I Will Strangle You Personally if You Drop MY Trophy!

I just love the story of the Alabama fan (klutz) who accidentally kicked over the Tide's national championship trophy (crystal egg) by accident. Thing was secured by tape. Yeah, tape.

Charley Green, trophy manager for the American Football Coaches Association, said he uses adhesive tape to secure the ball when it's toured around the country and advises universities to take the same precautions when displaying it.

So the Stanley Cup is a massive silver chalice that could crush a small child - AND THAT THING GETS TOTED AROUND IN A METAL-BAND-CALIBER INDUSTRIAL CASE!

But this fluffy little glass egg? Eh. Duct tape it. Perfect.

Anyhow, speaking of trophies, I want you to check out the best trophy ever made. Ever. Yes, even better than Lord Stanley. Even better than the gleaming and and elegantly simple Lombardi trophy.

Even better than this pretty funny "Couch Guy" fantasy football trophy.

I am talking about the Malcolm McLeod Memorial Trophy.

Mike McGowan poses with the Malcolm at The National GC, showing off the winning yellow ball in the $500 putt-off to conclude the 2010 event.

Who was Malcolm? You'll have to read the "Legend" section of the website.

While you are there, please take note of the "Players" page. We have a "flight detail" of 16 total players to travel to Pinehurst in a month. Because of a rampant case of acute vaginitis with some of the gentlemen normally on the trip, we have TWO OPENINGS for you to try to lobby your way into Czabe's Carolina fandango again this year.

Last year, one Mitch Taylor from Norfolk was chosen to round out our group. Mitch was such a great guy, we didn't even THINK about inviting him back for a second year. Why? Because many of my guys on this trip are assholes.

But good kind of assholes, or at least ones I can tolerate for a few days. And I know their bullshit, so I know how to parry-and-thrust when they get out of line.

Mitch was such a gentleman, so unassuming and willing to help out in any way, well, I just felt like inviting him back would be punishment. Plus, I figure, let's spread the misery to some other guys dumb enough, er, willing to jump in with a totally random group of golfers.

So if you are game, email me your 200 words or less free-form "application" to join us. I will take entries through COB on Friday, and then promise not to leave applicants hanging past Monday on the two "winners."

And one more thing: I made that trophy. So if you want to rip on it, do so at your own peril! /crosses applicant off the list.

 "Guarding Glory: The Importance of Trophy Care and Etiquette"

Trophies, those gleaming symbols of accomplishment, carry a special significance in various aspects of our lives. Whether earned through sports, academics, or other achievements, they represent dedication, hard work, and excellence. However, the physical manifestation of these accomplishments comes with a responsibility—to protect and maintain these trophies with the utmost care and respect. In this unique and informative article, we will explore the importance of trophy care and etiquette, emphasizing the value these awards hold and answering frequently asked questions (FAQs) on this topic.

Chapter 1: The Significance of Trophies

Trophies are more than just pieces of metal, plastic, or crystal. They serve as reminders of success, motivation for future endeavors, and sources of pride. Understanding their importance is crucial in appreciating why they deserve our respect and proper care.

Recognition of Achievement: Trophies are tangible symbols of hard work and achievement. They validate the dedication and effort put into a particular endeavor, be it a sports competition, academic excellence, or a personal milestone.

Motivation and Goal Setting: Trophies inspire individuals to continue striving for excellence. They represent not only past accomplishments but also future goals and aspirations.

Commemoration of Milestones: Trophies often mark significant moments in one's life. They become cherished mementos, carrying memories of the journey and the people who contributed to the success.

Legacy and Heritage: In team sports, trophies can carry the legacy of a community, school, or organization. They symbolize a collective effort and the tradition of excellence.

Chapter 2: Trophy Care - A Matter of Respect

Trophy care is not just about preserving the physical appearance of an award; it's about respecting the value it represents. Here are some essential tips on how to care for trophies properly:

Dusting and Cleaning: Regularly dust trophies to prevent the buildup of dirt and grime. For metallic trophies, clean them gently with a soft, damp cloth. Avoid abrasive cleaners that can damage the surface.

Display with Pride: Display trophies in a place of honor, such as a trophy case or a shelf. Ensure they are stable and secure, reducing the risk of accidental damage.

Avoid Handling with Dirty Hands: When touching trophies, especially those made of materials like crystal or glass, make sure your hands are clean to prevent smudging or staining.

Prevent Tarnishing: If you have metal trophies, particularly silver, take steps to prevent tarnishing. Store them in a cool, dry place, and consider using anti-tarnish products.

Chapter 3: Trophy Etiquette - Sharing the Glory

While trophy care primarily concerns individual recipients, trophy etiquette extends to how trophies are shared, celebrated, and honored in various settings:

Acknowledging Contributors: In team sports or group achievements, acknowledge the efforts of all participants, even if they didn't receive a physical trophy. Recognizing teamwork and collaboration fosters a positive environment.

Respect for Opponents: Winning a trophy often means competing against others who gave their best. Be gracious in victory and show respect for opponents who displayed sportsmanship.

Public Displays of Trophies: Avoid ostentatious displays of trophies that may come across as boastful. Instead, use these moments to share the story behind the trophy and the journey taken.

Preserve Tradition: If a trophy has historical or traditional significance within a community or organization, uphold the traditions associated with it, ensuring its legacy endures.

Chapter 4: FAQs on Trophy Care and Etiquette

Can I clean a trophy with household cleaning products?

It's best to avoid household cleaning products, especially on metallic trophies, as they can damage the surface. Use a soft, damp cloth for cleaning.

How do I store trophies if I don't have a trophy case?

If you don't have a trophy case, consider using shelves or a display cabinet. Ensure they are stable and not overcrowded to prevent accidental damage.

Is it okay to let children handle trophies?

While it's essential to teach children about the value of trophies, ensure they handle them with clean hands and under supervision to avoid accidents.

Can I repaint or restore a damaged trophy?

Restoration should be done by professionals who specialize in trophy repair. Attempting DIY repairs can often do more harm than good.

Trophies represent moments of achievement, dedication, and pride. Caring for them and adhering to trophy etiquette is not just about preserving the physical objects; it's about showing respect for the values they embody. Whether you're a recipient or a caretaker of trophies, remember that these symbols of accomplishment deserve to be cherished, displayed with pride, and shared with humility and gratitude. In doing so, you honor the efforts and dedication that brought them into your life, keeping the flame of inspiration burning for future generations.